You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize