dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
