He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
