last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
