i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
