ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
