He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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