Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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