How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was like eating out sand paper
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
