I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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