The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
