wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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