I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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