i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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