i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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