Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
