i permit you to call me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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