There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
