Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
