Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
