So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just had sex bonerless
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
