i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
