Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
