I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
