it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
