At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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