omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
