I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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