you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
