Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
