Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
