JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
