I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
