Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
