You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
