hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
