If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
