Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
