Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I didn't notice because vodka
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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