It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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