I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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