Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
