Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
