She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
