Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
