I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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