Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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