Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
