this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sarcasm needs its own font
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
