if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
