so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
