This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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