i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
