I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
