dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
