Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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