My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think i have two assholes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
