You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
