just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize