I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize