i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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