He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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