ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
