We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize