Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want nice things and good sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize