HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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