I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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