Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
