I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
