my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
