I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
