I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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