Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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