I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize