This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
