you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
