im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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