Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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