He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
