What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
