just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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