If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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