Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I touched a dick in church today
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize