DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
